Someday my ukulele will make you weep with joy
So, apparently, someone called in to the station to request some SDD.
The dj, a friend, played the first track, the one w/ me singing Song w/ No Name, then talked up the show I’m gonna be in. She and her co-host told me how beautiful my voice was, how it inspired one of them to maybe start singing. Also, how much lighter I seem since I dealt w/ the crush situation.
Life is good right now.
Last night turned out to be basically lovely and today had lots of magical moments in it.
Saw The Darjeeling Limited and loved it.
Feel lucky and cautiously hopeful and love finding help and inspiration in unexpected places.
And I’m going back to America in January.
I cried a lot last night and a lot this morning.
However, I got myself together enough to go to the bra store w/ Mel (stay tuned for that post later), see a film, and have dinner.
I’ve just dyed my hair, the blond red people seem to like. I had lots of giggles w/ Mel today. For that, I’m grateful.
I am tired of being lonely. I want something and I feel like if I don’t try to get it, it’ll be a real insult to myself, the final act that proves how little I think of myself. But I’m so fucking scared. Scared of failure, scared of success. Scared of rejection, scared I won’t know how to handle not being rejected. Scared that I’ll find out what I truly think of myself and my fate is true.
To change the subject, this fucking thing…
It hurts my eyes to look directly at it when I walk by. It’s so ugly and big and bright. Why is it there? There’s a coffee shop right across from it that now has a wrecked view. It’s so bright, it casts an ugly glow over everything in its vulgar path. Why has no one vandalized it yet?
This Bottle Cap is making my life.
- a volunteer after I gave him one of my Bottle Caps.
I feel much better today. I’m amazed at how Kill Bill can restore me.
Also, the UPS guy said I smelled good.
I chatted w/ my crazy next door neighbor today about various things. She really cheered me up. Said how lucky some women would think I am, single, w/ a cool job, etc. Anyway, it was neat.
Also cheering me mightily was the typewritten letter I got today from my friend in Rhode Island. Typed on the typewriter I gave her, no less. Here’s a quote from it:
New tidbits:
The birds are having sex 2x/day.
Lovely.
I got a lot of compliments on my appearance yesterday.
It felt lovely.
Hello, all.
So, Nancy wrote that she finds this new layout harder to navigate. Anyone else? I like it. A lot. Might be my favorite layout ever, in fact.
I rented some vids last night, but the Penn & Teller one was the wrong one, and the first disc of season three of Deadwood was scratched so wouldn’t play. I ended up watching my own copy of Raising Arizona instead.
I’m constantly amazed how much better life is now that I have a job I like. I wake up looking forward to the day, I have enthusiasm, confidence, hope. There are lots of things irritating me about the job right now, but I still love it. I’m even going in today (as there’s a huge bunch of filing and organizing I need to do). There are still aspects of life I’m unhappy with, but most things seem, just, better now. Bearable, surmountable.
In that vein, I’ve finally come to the point where I can let go, or stop clinging, to my latest crush. I still like him, but am no longer going to make myself miserable by wishing and hoping for something that isn’t going to happen. God, I feel better. But it’s something I had to come to on my own. I knew I shouldn’t cling right from the start, but was stubborn and did it anyway. It’s hard not to hope and get invested, I guess.
I want to start doing more things. Now that I’m happier and have more energy, there’s less excuse to put these things off. Here’s my list:
It’s interesting w/ the zazen. I haven’t done it for a bit. I really notice the nature of habit. Once I start meditating, it’s easier to keep on w/ it. But once I stop, it’s so hard to start. An elementary conclusion, yes, but I’ve never seen it so clearly before. My house can be clean, I can have time, but still won’t. Silly.
I’m going to visit Still Trying and family next weekend. I’m excited. I’ve never even met her youngest daughter.
I’ve decided to try to grow out my hair. We’ll see how it goes. I like how it’s looking so far, kinda Joanna Lumley in her New Avengers days.
The weather here’s beautiful. How is it where you are?
My friends Vidushi & Sean got me some Heather perfume while they were in Scotland. I was so pleased.
Saw Sicko the other night. Jesus Christ. Yes, Michael Moore is manipulative and crass and cheap, but this movie gave me chills and made me cry. I will never, ever move the to the U.S. unless I’m a billionaire.
Flaws: Moore didn’t address that Margaret Thatcher actually buggered up health care in the UK, he didn’t aknowledge the problems countries w/ universal health care face, and when one of his subjects mentioned Tommy Douglas, he didn’t delve. Gah! Not only did Tommy Douglas give Canada universal health care, he’s also the grandfather of Kiefer Sutherland!
I’ve had some American friends tell me they don’t trust their government to run a health care system. I guess I see their point, but maybe the people should hold their government more accountable. I don’t know. Easier typed than done, I realize. But after seeing what people in the States, people with coverage, have to endure, it really, really made me grateful that I live here.
I recommend people see it, wherever you live. If you’re Canadian, I would hope it would scare the privatization siren right out of your head.
Um, yeah. I’m tired. My predecessor left over 4,000 emails in his inbox. Grr.
But I love being there so much, I stayed ’till eight o’clock trying to clear some of them out.
…for so many reasons. But one is that I can tell her the ugly things in my brain that I can’t share w/ anyone else.
Also, an interesting piece in Salon about the problem w/ theatre.
Everybody's talkin' at me