Still alive
I cried a lot last night and a lot this morning.
However, I got myself together enough to go to the bra store w/ Mel (stay tuned for that post later), see a film, and have dinner.
I’ve just dyed my hair, the blond red people seem to like. I had lots of giggles w/ Mel today. For that, I’m grateful.
I am tired of being lonely. I want something and I feel like if I don’t try to get it, it’ll be a real insult to myself, the final act that proves how little I think of myself. But I’m so fucking scared. Scared of failure, scared of success. Scared of rejection, scared I won’t know how to handle not being rejected. Scared that I’ll find out what I truly think of myself and my fate is true.
To change the subject, this fucking thing…
It hurts my eyes to look directly at it when I walk by. It’s so ugly and big and bright. Why is it there? There’s a coffee shop right across from it that now has a wrecked view. It’s so bright, it casts an ugly glow over everything in its vulgar path. Why has no one vandalized it yet?