K’vitsh i need to get plucked More? Okay... »

Death, part deux

A recent issue of Rue Morgue had a fascinating article on memorial photography in America and Europe in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Though it’s creepy as all get out now, the article explained how it was a fairly common practice back then and why. From what I remember, it’s twofold.

Firstly, death was more common then. Now, death often occurs in a hospital and the funeral almost always happens out of the home, whereas death was frequent then and the ceremonies surrounding it took place at home. So, while still devastating, it wasn’t as alien or creepy. One supposes.

Secondly, while death was more common, photography was less so. People often didn’t have any pictures of their children, and when they died, they wanted to have some image to hold on to. Hence why some pictures have open eyes painted over the closed eyes of a dead child.

There are two collections of this kind of photography, Sleeping Beauty: Memorial Photography in America and Sleeping Beauty 2, which you can buy for me on eBay if you’re so inclined. They’re out of print and cost about $600 a pop. So, um, thanks in advance.

Lest you think this doesn’t happen anymore, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep offers a service to parents who’s children die before they leave the hospital. They are, for the most part, pretty sensitive shots. I can only imagine the skill required to do that kind of work.

Only the baby’s dead in this one.

*Pictures from this page.

One of my coworkers, about seven years ago, was pregnant with her first baby, and he was stillborn. She took a lot of pictures of the baby - David - and when she came back to work, she showed them to everyone with this mixture of grief and pride. Most people were very uncomfortable looking at the pictures, including me. This was a really interesting post - I’d never thought about the reasons why this kind of photography was possible. It was hard to look at though. Hard to think about.

A really good find. Thanks.

This is the kind of photography that really gets my attention. I’m moved by how similar life and death appear to the camera. Thanks for the post.

What is creepy about people having one last memory of their stillborn child? My daughter was stillborn and, yes, I did put a photo of her where people could see because *she was my daughter*. These photos are fascinating to look at but, man, I’m floored by the insensitivity I’m reading. It’s okay for me to have a brag book of my two living children so long as Abigail isn’t in there; she’d make you squirm. Sorry we make people feel *uncomfortable*…it’s called *life*, and anyone who is a photographer should get that.

This type of photography is fascinating, and important for families. I had a stillborn child myself and the hospital gave me a camera, donated by Kodak, to help me create a series of photos to keep as a memorial. It’s an important step in the grief process. I did show some of them to a few people and, no, I do not think people should feel uncomfortable because it is a part of life. No one wants another to lose a child but it happens (and more, even now, than you would think).

I guess it’s just something unusual for people who haven’t seen it or had to deal with it.

I’m glad it was so helpful to you.

[…] Someone Stumbled Upon my dead baby entry and it sure spiked my stats. Ah, dead […]

Angela,

Admitting that something makes one uncomfortable is not insensitive. It’s the road to understanding. I read nothing but compassion in Nancy’s comment, and nothing but disrespect and scorn in yours.

I agree with Nathan… though I suppose Angela could have issue with the article itself which called the images creepy. The majority of people fear death & like to imagine, in a way, that it doesn’t really exist & view it, like the article said, from quite afar most of the time. Such images shatter that delicate illusion people have comforted themselves with. Therefore, I would say it’s quite natural to regard such images as “creepy” or “uncomfortable” or otherwise disturbing. And, Angela, who are you to know the reasons -why- someone may find it uncomfortable? Perhaps they mean nothing more than the realization that the line between life and death is so thin that you have to be told that a picture is of someone deceased.

There is actually an organization that does this today for families who have infant deaths in the hospital. The organization is called “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep“.

The service that they provide is free to those who require it, and it fulfills a very important grieving and remembrance for parents who’ve lost a new child.

It’s not creepy at all, these pictures reach across the voids of place and time. These people, themselves long dead as well, have the same emotions and feelings as we do.
Looking at these pictures, especially the first two and the last one, you can feel the sadness and yet the tenderness as well.
Just a testament to the human life.

Yea, I don’t feel like coming into work and you showing me a photo album of your dead baby.
Not my preferred way to start my Monday morning.

this is so interesting,it raise feeling about my family&
my elders.

These photos are an important bridge between what makes most of us uncomfortable, and the need for people to have tangible, visual memories of a loved one. To belittle a parent who wants to show photos of their child, living or not, is cold-hearted. Surely a person can put that discomfort aside long enough to help another human grieve.

my dad was a photographer, and i can remember stopping by his studio after school, to kinda help out a little, answer the phone, chat with customers waiting … we lived in a small town in north louisiana and his photography was a hobby that turned into a business … in those days, he developed his own film and pictures … and sometimes he would be sorta standing in the middle of the back room, looking at a photo he had taken, this time of a deceased person … he would discourage me from looking at it, yet not hiding it from me … i asked why would someone want such a picture … and he said usually it was the only picture they would ever have of that person … this was probably 50 years ago …

hey lupe, sorry if someone ruins your monday morning. imagine what it’s like to plan a pregnancy and carry a child for however many weeks only to deliver them stillborn.

today was supposed to be my baby shower. i just hit “stumble” and this was the first page to come up. funny how that works.

the pictures that i have of my son, stillborn at 21 weeks are very, very precious to me. Now I lay me down to sleep came and took photos as well. I’m so glad i have those photos, as sometimes i feel that’s all i’ve got.

Sorry about your loss Angela. But it is a bit creepy. I don’t quite understand why it helps in the grieving process. Why the hell would you want an image of your DEAD infant? Doesn’t it just remind you that she was dead? Why would that be the image you want to remember? A DEAD baby? Why dont you just keep the sonogram for memories instead? That is much better. The image that you want to keep is that of a dead infant…I don’t get it. If that were me, it’d break my heart to even look at it. Hey let me show off pictures of my dead grampa in his casket! Wy not show off pictures of him living? A sonogram would’ve done the job. You didnt have to creep anybody by boasting about your dead baby. A sonogram would’ve sufficed and not put people in an awkward position.

Who give a fuck about your stillborn baby? Just have another one. Procreation isn’t a farking miracle. 6.x billion people here on this planet. NOT SPECIAL

I think that, when people find these “creepy”, is that they’re certainly uncomfortable and know that they’re *unprepared* to understand the pain & motivation behind the effort it took to create these photos.

I also think it’s a similar kind of unpreparedness that would allow someone to lash out at someone else about their reaction. We’re just not familiar with death, especially in the young.

Adolph probably is one of the Hitler clones.

Sorry for all mothers who have lost their babies. Your hurt hurts me too.

As I understand it, it was pretty common to take these kinds of picture. Before modern medicine many children and mothers died .. I don’t think we realize how luck we are.

I like you finds a lot a teacher of mine at art school made a book about this kind of photografie, and he has a store with lost of other beautifull thing. i will mail you the the info soon.

Wow. I think if a mother wants to have a treasured photo of her child who was alive for a short time, thats great. Some women never get to see the children they lose for more than that moment. If you suggest “have another” then you’ve clearly never grieved the loss of your own child. To be able to look back on those pictures after years and generations have gone by is a gift that the photographer has given you. Future generations may see resemblances and find comfort with a simple photo. There may be 6 billion + people on the planet, but a mother has a special relationship with each child during her pregnancy and that IS SPECIAL.

I think its ok for people to express that they are ‘creeped’ out by this. I’m personally a bit weirded out but fascinated at the same time. I am heartbroken for any mother who has lost a child and cannot even begin to understand the grieving process and if taking a photo helps then so be it. Although I think its a bit much showing the photo around the office, its a picture of death, but it represents life, I would personally only show to anyone who asked to see it.

If someone wanted to share such a personal thing as pictures of their dead with me I would feel honoured.
I don’t care if their grief made me feel uncomfortable or sad. Helping another grieve is the right thing to do.

This is not a practice that ended with the onset of home photography. I have a few friends that are funeral directors and they say people take pictures of their dead all of the time. It’s a way of trying to hold on to something important that is being taken away.

The photo find is amazing. Not only the subject but the fact that they have been saved in such great condition.

The comments that were made are…wow amazingly rude. I don’t think any one will understand the motive of taking a photo of a deceased child unless you actually have gone through that experience.

Personally, the photos I took of my son after he passed were for me. It is all I have to hold on too since he is gone. But as for showcasing them, I prefer to keep them very private and I have no plans of displaying them. It’s a quiet, personal memory.

i don’t begrudge people taking pictures of the dead. i’m a photographer and if someone asked me to shoot their dead loved one i would do it.
HOWEVER…do N0T corner someone into looking at them–the same goes for live children!!
not everyone is “honored” by being cornered in the office by baby pics–dead or alive.
that doesn’t make me insensitive or rude–just not a lover of children.

My favorite singer has a song inspired by a friend of his who volunteers in hospitals to take pictures of babies either in their few moments of life or those they got to a little late. The song is Smallest Wingless by Craig Cardiff, and please be prepared to cry, the first time I heard it was live and most of the room shed tears.

A couple of years ago I was renovating some properties in Italy, I came upon a tiny house in the side streets of a town called Penne. The whole place had been vandalised apart from two photos upstairs of infants dead in there cribs, freaked the hell out of me and I moved on to other properties.

Ok, I have to put my two cents worth in. Yes, it is a sad fact of life when a family loses a child during pregnancy. Yes, it’s perfectly alright for that family to memorialize and remember the child by taking photographs. But I have to draw the line at bringing those photos TO WORK to show your co-workers. Unless those people are your CLOSEST friends or family, and ask to see them, it is completely inappropriate for you to be shanghai them by showing them pictures of your deceased infant. Your co-workers are likely unwilling to see the pictures and you are alienating yourself and making your co-workers disturbingly uncomfortable. Seriously, how do you expect them to react? Keep personal things (like photos showing your deceased child) within your family and circle of closest friends. If you feel the need to memorialize your child at work, try a more tasteful display, such as a pair of booties or a toy.

Very well-done page showing a little known aspect of photography. You can see the loss of the parents reflected in their eyes. The only truly uncomfortable one was the child surrounded by his siblings. They appear traumatized.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that a coworker showing you pictures of their dead child makes you uncomfortable. If you are close friends, I understand, but in a business relationship? Awkward.

Hell, I don’t even want to see pictures of your living children. I don’t care about your kids. You carried out a biological process that every living thing is capable of. Good for you, no one gives a shit.

I am a professional photographer and see nothing wrong with this type of photography. It used to be the practice to do this with any one and not just babies. I myself have a photograph of I think my great-great grandmother lying in her casket. Very common way back then. Although I’ve never done this professionally, I’d have no problem doing it for a family that would desire it.

I would be uncomfortable if someone brought pictures like that to work. For one thing… it’s work, you’re not there to socailize. and Secondly, I think most people would be uncomfortable, not because the pictures are “creepy” but because there isn’t anything appropriate to say in that situation.

My best friend just lost her baby. She is closer to me than anyone on this earth and I still didn’t know what to say. So we just sat in silence.

Interesting find. Here is another website dedicated to parents who have lost their children shortly after their birth. I think it gives the parents a sense of closure, comfort and peace that allows them to start the healing process.

http://www.nilmdts.org/

It shocks me that some of these comments are so insensitive. I have an idea…lets find these insensitive people and then kill someone they hold dear. Okay, maybe not. But really…it hurts me to think that people with such hard hearts live in this world with me. Is there a way to change them? And why are we, as a culture, so afraid of death? Death is a part of life. It’s incredibly sad when someone dies, and it is profoundly sad when a child dies. It is, however, part of life. We are born. We die. Perhaps too early, perhaps not. I will not share what I believe other than I believe that humans are very powerful and deceptively resilient. We can overcome the worst things in life. To those who believe that pictures of the deceased are “creepy”: perhaps you should learn to be more sensitive. To those who have lost children: I’m so sorry, and I hope you find peace. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child, since I’m only 16 myself…really, I haven’t been very close to death at all. I’m lucky, because I don’t remember ever going to a funeral. I want children (someday) very much…I think of my unborn children every day….and pray that I’ll never have to see a child’s funeral.
If someone brings photographs of their deceased child to work, you don’t have to look at them. Nobody said you did. But you could at least show some sympathy.

The excellent book WISCONSIN DEATH TRIP by Michael Lesy — worth your time for many interesting reasons — has a lot of photos of this kind in it. Originally published in the 1960s, it’s back in print and available from Amazon.com for $23. Anyone interested in this kind of social phenomenon, or in what Greil Marcus calls “the weird old America” should read, or look at (since it’s mostly photos), this book.

My reaction when I first saw these pictures is exactly like Nancy’s. And I agree wholeheartdly with raetse, who made the distinction between a person who thinks this is creepy and cold-hearted.
For me this is creepy because it reminds me that one of those kids could be mine and I don’t want to lose my son.

I don’t even like it when people force me to look at pictures of their live, healthy babies. Yeah yeah yeah, so glad to know the child you purchased in China has finally been delivered. I don’t need a 600 megabytes of JPEGs in my work mailbox Monday morning, though.

my mother still have some pictures of ther mother and grandmother dead. it was common…

i feel sad looking at these pictures.life is precious and if having these photos help people deal with the grieving process then so be it.

I first learned of this custom when watching the movie “The Others” (it’s a great movie, BTW). In part of it, the woman (Nicole Kidman) finds a picture book of photos of dead people. Yes, it was apparently not rare for people to do this in the days when death was closer to home and more frequent.

This website really struck a nerve with me. 1975, my then wife delivered a stillborn son. The only thing I have to remember him by is an address of where he is buried. I wasn’t even allowed in the delivery room.

A few years later, my second wife gave birth to a girl, with heart problems.She lived until almost her 13th birthday. January 17, 1993, 8:30am, a Sunday…….

At least I have photos and video of when she WAS alive. Although, I have a really hard time watching the videos, to this day. And, yea, after her death I got divorced…again. THAT in itself is a major statistic that most people don’t get. 80% of couples who have a child die, end up getting divorced. Blaming each other? Who knows?

To anyone who has lost a child, I feel deeply for you. I just hope you handle it better than I did.

I lost my first born son 20 years ago. I wish I had thought to take pictures of him in his casket. He looked so peaceful like he was sleeping. Now, all I have is my memory, and nothing to physically look back on. Sure, I have the pictures of him when he was alive. He was only 18 days old when he passed away. But, having pictures of him in his casket may have helped me deal with my loss a little bit better. Letting go and saying good-bye to a new born baby is the worst things a person can ever experience as a parent. If someone wants to show me pictures of their deceased baby, I would be honored to know they felt comfortable enough to come to me and share their happiness as well as their pain. I look at it as though they were coming to me for support, not to creep anyone out. Pictures are all they have to left to share with others. Sounds to me like some people need to stop being cold hearted and rude and start showing compassion and sympathy … consider the grieving person’s feelings and not your own.

It is an individual feeling of loss that no one can share when you lose a child. I have a photograph of my daughter who died in 1997. This is in my album of her short life and is shown to the chosen few.

It’s fine for people to feel ‘creeped out’ by this. And it’s fine for people to keep pictures of children they’ve lost - taken prior to or after death.

It’s simply a case of either having never been in a situation like that, or having gone through such a situation that is so deeply affective (such as losing a part of yourself, essentially) that you can no longer imagine how you would have felt about it before you went through it.

You can never say how you would feel about something if you were on the other side of the situation, because you aren’t; you’re exactly where you are and you’re only going to be able to truly feel exactly how you feel. the end.

Oh, and on the subject of the actual post; extremely fascinating. I would love to get a look at those books. Too bad they’re so hard to come by.

There seem to be some pretty sociopathic individuals posting here. They only care about themselves, and it always seems to surprise and mystify them that anyone would voluntarily accept another person’s expressions of grief. It’s called “compassion;” something a sociopath will never, ever, EVER understand - and there’s no point trying to explain or demonstrate to them, because they’re incapable of empathy, or love.

To all of those who have lost loved ones, my condolences. Sometimes a photograph taken after death is all one gets to remember a loved one by, and I don’t think that’s creepy at all. I’m glad if it comforts you, even a little. Peace be with you.

This was so interesting. Not only are the photos fascinating, but the comments that followed! Lots to think about and THANK YOU for sharing all of this.

It reminded me of when my husbands Granny Lucille, a cranky, mean-spirited old lady died, I was shocked when he received a photo of her in her coffin. I’d never seen anyone take a photo of a dead person.It was before I saw the movie, “The Others” or even realized folks took ADP (after death pictures).

He explained (tongue in cheek)that in this case all nine of his Uncles were symbolically tellin’ him “Ding dong, the witch is dead”. It skeeved me out and we tossed it.
He said it was a “Southern” thing, taking ADP. We’re in NY and maybe it was customary but I never knew it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
To the woman, Donna, who got annoyed getting huge jpg, files of someone else’s new child…Gawd, what a sour being you must be! I’m just the opposite. I LOVE seeing photos of kids, babies, people, pets. Someone is sharing love with you in a visual form and you’re worried about jpg. size? I feel sad for you. Sounds like you’re lucky even to have someone willing to email you.

And to those callous wads who think their negative, mean little remarks to women who’ve given birth and lost a child…..I feel really sorry for you, too. I bet no one’s sitting around wishing you were still alive.

Anyway, see, I let you push my buttons, too, but hey, it is all part of the dance. I think we’re afraid of death because we don’t know what is next. Oh, we’ve gotten other human’s ideas of whats next, but we won’t know until we get there. Will we be aware? Will we be reunited with love ones? We’re scared. We don’t want to lose what we have….and I think taking pictures of a body after it’s soul has left is that last little grasping at what we still can ’see’. Let people mourn the way they have to, and if you find the photos someone shows you offensive, don’t look. I bet ya go home and watch some really violent TV show and are desensitized to the point you don’t see the creepiness in that!

Shows like “Dead like Me” and “Six Feet Under” do help us realize death is pretty entertaining. Yet, they aren’t OUR loved ones. REAL is scary. Take pictures while you can. ADP’s, sonograms, videos, and savor.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a great organization. I have looked through their site and I think it could provide a service that would be very helpful to families that have lost a child.

Try thanatos.net - there are hundreds more there.

I think this photography is a great way to preserve life & death. When I was young more people had the “wake” or “viewing” held at the home of the person that passed or at a family members home. I feel it would be more of a personal touch that way.

I had a stillborn child too, but I chose not to photograph him. I can truly understand where some pople might want to do this, but I chose not to. I can also understand where some people would feel uncomfortable about seeing these photos; I know I would have. I think it can be an important part of the greiving process though and that it is important to be sensistive to EVERYONE’s feelings on it.

Let me say this. I lost my first born child Michelle at 6 weeks of age and it pains me to see such ignorance from anyone who doesn’t have the heart and presence of mind to see that the loss of Anyone, is and can be so..crippling. God Bless All Of You! XOXO

I’m enthralled by this. You see when my daughter died almost 32 years ago Everything was stripped from my home by relatives. Her nursery, crib, Everything. Everyone pretended she never had happened and i cannot tell you how many people said to me, Awe hunny, Your young, you can have another. We all deal with out grief differently and i think and know its up to the person who is grieving to do what makes them feel best. To act as if it never happened is not natural. I cherish my memory’s and pictures. They’re all I’ve got. Just because a child is not full term takes NOTHING away from that beautiful mother who has nothing left but her memory’s. God Bless Any Mother who has known and felt loss of ANY child. It is the death of their dream!

Donna–

“Yeah Yeah Yeah, so glad to know the child you purchased in China has finally been delivered. I don’t need a 600 megabytes of JPEGs in my work mailbox Monday morning, though.”

Seriously? How old are you? That’s a rhetorical question because you’re probably in your 30’s or 40’s, but you’d never be able to tell that from your statements. I’d suggest making an attempt to expand your heart and your brain. But I guess it’s “okay,” considering the comments on this page are split 50/50 between normal, compassionate human beings, and unintelligent, heartless ones. “the child you ‘purchased’ from china has finally been delivered.” It’s irrelevant because I would feel the same way regardless of this fact, but I am adopted, and if you see adopting a baby as merely a ‘purchase’ and ‘delivery’ you might need to do some thinking.

I am a photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and I can tell you first hand how important this type of photography is to the families who utilize our services. They are extremely appreciative to have beautiful portraits of their sweet angels.

I looked at some of the pictures on the nilmdts website. Those pictures are done with great love and compassion for the families involved.

As a teen and young adult I couldn’t really understand why my mother had pictures of my brother who died at the age of 3 months. Then I lost a set of twins when I was 3 months pregnant. Now I understand that she needed something to remember what Chuckie looked like. I would never have that.

I also have a friend whose daughter lost a baby after carrying him for 23 weeks. He didn’t even live an hour and they have pictures of him dressed in doll clothes. They are so thankful that the hospital staff CARED enough to offer that service. They even have necklaces with some of the baby’s ashes in little angels. What a wonderful way to memorialize a cherished and much wanted little angel. Bless all of you and please have some compassion for the ones who have lost babies/children and also for those who don’t understand that just because those babies didn’t live very long doesn’t mean they weren’t loved.

And those who said they don’t know what to say - there is NOTHING that will make it better and many things that can make it worse. Those things start with “you can have more babies” and go on through other pat sayings.

[…] essay on Necrotography (not to be typoed as Negrotography… […]

I remember that the room in the house for the showing of the “Departed One”, was the Parlor. the other room for those to visit in was called ” The Living Room”. I also remember that many people made an alter for their departed ones. Some even had left the family members bedroom in tack as when the departed left. Many people do that today. I see nothing weird or uncomfortable about this practice, not at all. BTW, many babies and young ones died early in life in the 1800’s. Cures were not apparent yet. Child diseases were rampart, and doctors were few. Hence the country doctor.

I stumbled across this page. And I was a little unnerved and awed by the information. I had never before thought of photographing the deceased and I see absolutely no reason why it should be any different from photographing the living, a rock, a lake or any other image. A photo is for later visual remembrance. Does it matter if you are remembering a living or deceased loved one? I don’t see why it should.

This page really got my emotions going so I’m going to stop here before I try to rip out the insensitive people above who seem to think a lost life is nothing special when the world is populated…

Takin’ photos of dead babies is SO AWESOME

You’ve got every right to take and keep a picture of your dead baby or relative.

Some people however are confused about their right to inflict (I use the word intentionally) that image upon another person. Common decency requires you to say “I have a picture of my dead child after she died… would you like to see it?”

In my culture displaying the dead in public in any form is disrespectful to the dead as well. I’m horrified at the idea of open caskets (for the sake and soul of the dead person), although, thank God, that seems to be declining somewhat. Be that as it may, it’s your choice, but respect for the living at least (if not for your own dead) requires that you warn someone that they are about to view a picture of a corpse before you thrust it in front of them.

For some of us, the experience of having an initial warm reaction to a little face, followed by the realization that it is a photograph of a dead and decaying body is a stomach turning one.

Please.

One way to check there not vampires i guess

I think that it is up to the individual person. If one wants an image of their dead child that should be up to the parent, and really I think I would want one last image. Honestly I wouldn’t know, and I don’t choose to judge. To one person who said that a child dying is nothing, I can’t imagine what kind of life you must live to have no pity for an innocent being. Children who die young or at birth are angels, as close to God as one can get it is sad you can’t see that. I think that showing pride in your children even if they are gone is nothing to be ashamed of. I have no doubt, if I lost a child even if it hadn’t lived long …I would want to respect that memory and say it was mine.