A little Moody Blues, a little Circus Mel, a little will…
…a little goofy picture of a zen master, a little housework and I’m feeling much better.
Thanks to those who posted and emailed. Your advice was kind and helpful - truly. I listened to it and followed it, and it helped.
Last week had some rough spots, so I’m not going to beat myself up for feeling sad. Part of me wonders if I shouldn’t post my black moods on here. But then I thought, fuck it. It’s the truth. Sometimes I feel bad. I like to post them, then post entries like this. It shows how resilient I’m becoming.
This entry on Brad Warner’s blog, as well as some of the responses it garnered, was also very helpful today.
I like how he writes about looking at your negative thoughts and urges. Look at them honestly, don’t judge them - try to see what they really are, what’ really behind them. I’m too tired to wank off about that thought much more tonight.
One thing I noticed though - when I get depressed, scared, etc., I’m so filled w/ self-loathing that there’s hardly any room for compassion for anyone else. When I’m happier and like myself more, I can feel the difference in how I view others. I’m brave enough, have room enough in my heart and brain to wish others the best, to think of ways to help them. I don’t like how self-centred I get when I’m down.
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